"Wal-Mart Woes"

How many of you moms dread going to Wal-Mart or any store with your kids?

Maybe it’s just because I have 4 boys that are 10 and under.

Maybe it’s because I don’t have the patience required to walk through Wal-Mart when it’s crowded.

Whatever the reason is, I just hate it!

Here’s a typical trip to Wal-Mart with my kids………

As we pull up into the parking lot, my boys start opening the car door before we’re even parked. There is always some majorly expensive sports car parked right next to us. Of course, my 4 year old slings his door open and almost hits the car. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost had a heart attack over this.

I dread the day that I have to leave a note on someone’s car explaining that my child has decided to maul their $50,000 vehicle. I’ll also have to tell them that I’ll pay for it, but that they’ll have to let me pay it in monthly installments.

I really try to be honest, but I still dread it. Who wouldn’t?

So, once I find a buggy in the parking lot that isn’t covered in chewing gum or some other foul substance, I take off running to grab it. Meanwhile, my boys are sitting in the car fighting and hitting each other. They’re fighting over who can spit the biggest loogy at the car next to us. I just hope that the sun melts the loogy before the poor man sits in his nicely polished convertible.

Ok, so I have the buggy and am on my way back to the car. All the time I have them in site. Trust me; I would never leave them unattended. I’ve learned my lesson there.

While I’m on the way back to the car to load them up, I realize that they are whispering and laughing. I don’t even want to know why. So, we load up and make our way to the front entrance. I feel like I have entered the twilight zone.

All of a sudden, a sense of doom hits me. I’ll soon know that it’s the premonition that I may go to jail today.

I usually make the 4 year old ride in the front part of the buggy. My 7 year old stands on the end of the buggy, jumping off every chance he gets. He’s daring me to run over him. Little does he know that I think that it's funny. This is one of the little things that make me smile. If I happen to have my step-sons, ages 8 and 10, with me they walk beside me. Well, that’s the plan anyway.

As we enter the store, I realize that I have forgotten to bring in wipes. Any mother knows that this can be an absolute disaster! Even though my youngest is 4, it doesn’t mean that there won’t be a mess.

I usually spend half my time trying to keep him from grabbing all the food off the sample lady’s cart. He will literally scoop and hide it until I’m not looking. So, we always bring wipes. Not only does he eat all the samples, but he also ends up getting some kind of drink from somewhere in the store.

Normally, some little old lady thinks he’s the cutest thing she’s ever seen, offers him a drink, and here’s what transpires:

Little old lady: Look at you. You’re a big boy aren’t you? He’s so cute! How old are you?
4 year old: I’m 4. I go to preschool and my mommy beat me up yesterday.
Little old lady: What? She beat you up?
4 year old: Is my mommy going to go to jail?
Little old lady: Uh, Uh, Uh
4 year old: My Mimi is old as dirt.
Little old lady: Why does your mommy beat you up?
4 year old: Because I shot a rock through my dad’s truck with my sling shot. She didn’t really beat me up. She just told me that it was bad.
Little old lady: You shouldn’t tell people that your mommy beats you up honey.
4 year old: Why?
Little old lady: Because she could get in trouble.
4 year old: Cool!

I got lucky. There were no police in the general vicinity.

Anyway, you can see why I don’t like to take them in public. Actually, my 4 year old has gotten better about embarrassing me. When I say better, I mean he doesn’t do it as much anymore. He’s moved on to bigger and better things.

Oh, and I have since figured out what all the laughing and whispering was about in the car. Apparently, this is the “planning phase” of our trip. For those of you who don’t have more than one child, the “planning phase” is when the older child tells the younger child what to do to embarrass mommy in the store.

So, while we’re trying to load our buggy up with healthy foods, my older boys are sneaking junk food every chance they get. They seem to be able to slip it into the buggy without me noticing. I wonder why that is?

Hmmm, could it be because I’m still trying to explain to the little old lady, and the other 3 people that overheard the conversation, that I really didn’t beat him?

By the time we get to the checkout line, I’m sweating like a fat man chasing a runaway M&M.

My boys are, of course, mesmerized by all the trinkets that the store has so conveniently placed in the checkout lines. I cannot tell you how many times I have to tell them, “No, we don’t have enough money for that.” That just doesn’t seem to comfort them.

Meanwhile, the clerk has totaled my grocery bill. I have managed to spend $350! What? How in the world am I going to explain this one to my husband? I don’t care if it took 3 cars to get it all home. Men just do not understand how it’s possible to spend that kind of money and only come back with what I got.

Maybe it’s because of the kids clothing that I threw into the mix.

Maybe it’s because I didn’t pay close enough attention to the prices.

Most likely it’s because of the junk food and toys that were unknowingly added to my buggy.

Whatever the reason, it will be MANY, MANY years before I ever go back to Wal-Mart with the kids in tow. That’s what I keep telling myself.

I’ll see you there next week! Just look for the woman with kids hanging off her legs and a big pile of cans on the floor next to her.

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