"Summer's End"

It’s been a long summer! During the summer, my boys stay with their father and my step-sons stay with my husband and me. This requires a LOT of driving. The trips between picking them up and dropping them off have put a real damper on our finances. It seems that we only travel the day after the gas prices skyrocket.

I’ll be glad when school starts. To me, the routine that the Fall brings is comforting. The summers are always filled with uncertainty, as was proved this summer. I’m not sure I can take another one like this.

For now, I’m going to concentrate on making sure that my baby boy is happy and healthy.

This will be a time of great reflection for me.

I’m hoping that with the new season a sense of comfort will come, although I’m not counting on it.

I’m learning to just try and go with the flow and stop fighting. I feel powerless in my endeavors as of late.

I am comforted by the fact that I have a great job to go to each day. It distracts me from the chaos. The jokes from my co-workers and words of encouragement from my readers keep me going each and every day. Thank you!

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that I have my precious little 4 year old boy and that he’s not going anywhere.

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"Movie Mayhem 2"

Well, I did it! I made the bold decision to take my 4 year old back to the movies.

I decided that I would give him another chance to “act right” in the theater. If you don’t know what I’m referring to, scroll down and read the entry called “Movie Mayhem”.

I decided to pick him up from preschool early and take him to see Ratatouille or Rabittouille as he likes to call it.

We stocked up on candy and one drink and in we went. I have to say that I was nervous. I was tired and not really ready for a fiasco like the last one.

But, I wanted to have some one on one time with him and see how he would do.

Before we went into the theater, I gave him the speech about not talking out loud and not drinking his entire drink all within the first 5 minutes.

You see, he HAS to have something to drink while he’s at the movies. He’s always got to have something to drink. He’s like a camel in the desert.

We found a seat, in the front row (so that I don’t have to climb up and down the stairs every time he needs to potty) and sat down.

Immediately, he starts talking very loudly. He says, “It’s taking too long to come on. When will it be over?” This was before the movie even started.

He pretty much talked as loudly as he wanted throughout the entire movie. I would tell him each time to whisper or just be quiet.

A few times I had to take him out of the theater b/c he couldn’t hear me telling him to be quiet, LOL.

We ended up going “potty” only three times. This is a small miracle! Anyone that knows him will understand. For him to last 2 hours and only go three times? That’s just crazy!

I do have to say that the movie was very good. I liked it. I don’t think it’s just for kids. I’m by no means a movie critic, but I would suggest taking children from the age of 2-12 to see it.

By the time the movie was over, we were more than ready to go. Out the door we went with our pillow, blanket, and my umbrella of course!

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"Am I Doing The Right Thing?"

All of this chaos has got me thinking, “Am I doing the right thing?”

I feel that I did the right thing in allowing my son to entertain the thought of living with his father.

I feel that I did the wrong thing in allowing the boys to be split up.

The thing is I can’t have it both ways.

So, what is the right thing to do? Is it to fight to get my son back and make this already delicate situation even worse? Is it to keep them split up?

For me, letting both of them go live with their father is absolutely not an option! The 4 year old doesn’t want to live with him, and I don’t think that he needs to be away from his mother. Plus, my 4 year old is REALLY close to his step-father. He’s pretty much raised him since he was 1-1/2. He adores this little boy.

The relationship between my 7 year old and his step-father isn’t that close. They get along and my husband loves him and visa versa, but they met when he was 4. So, he was already close to his real father. My 7 year old is the one that has really taken the divorce hard.

I guess the good thing is that it was a very peaceful divorce. It’s only now that it’s getting volatile.

I say that it’s volatile, but it’s mainly because I cannot accept him leaving. So, I’ve become a difficult ex-wife. I told my ex that it’s not personal. It’s because he’s come between me and our children. I cannot sit back and watch this all unfold without saying anything.

I think he understands, but he certainly doesn’t like it.

All in all, I think he’s a great person. I just think that he’s not making the best parenting decisions. I feel like he’s letting his emotional needs cloud his best judgement.

Could I be wrong? I’d like to hear both sides of the story from people out there.

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"The Karate Kid"

I realize that my last few posts haven’t been very positive. There’s just a lot going on right now.
I thought I’d share something that I’m excited about.

While my 7 year lived with me over the last two years, I had him enrolled in karate. He loved it! I had signed a 12 month contract in February to continue paying. Since he’s decided to live with his father, I’m kind of stuck paying it for no reason.

Well, I talked to the people at the karate place yesterday and they agreed to switch the contract over to my 4 year old.

This is big news to him!

He has wanted to do karate since he turned 4. We just couldn’t afford two kids.

I guess this is one thing positive that’s come out of my 7 year old moving (for my 4 year old at least).

It’s going to be so cute watching this little guy kicking and posing! I can’t wait. Plus, I’m a mom that likes to be involved in karate, baseball, etc.

It’s funny…….I feel like I’m starting over as a parent.

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"A Nightmare Come True"

Well, I wanted to update all of my readers about my dilemma with my 7 year old son. If you read my blog called “The Child That Leaves” you’ll understand this story better.

I picked up my 7 year old from his father this weekend. I wanted to spend at least one weekend with him in case he did decide to stay with his father.

I was hoping, of course, that he would change his mind and tell me that he wanted to stay with me. The entire weekend I listened for those magical words.

They never came.

This has been the most heartbreaking thing that has happened to me since I’ve had children. It’s like a nightmare come true.

This precious little angel that I carried in my stomach for 9 months no longer wants to be with me. That’s pretty much what it boils down to.

I feel betrayed. I also feel like a horrible person because of the anger I’m feeling. Why do I feel this way?

This weekend I literally lost it! All of the frustration that I’ve been feeling about this situation came to a head. Of course, I took it out on my ex.

No matter how hard anyone tries to make me think that it’s ok to let him live with his father, I will never understand. In my mind, there is absolutely no reason to split him and his 4 year old brother up. No one will ever make me understand how that’s ok.

My 4 year old was crying after we dropped off his brother this weekend. He told me that he was mad at his brother and that he would never have a real brother ever again. He told me that he didn’t want to sleep by himself (they have always shared a bed despite having their own beds). He said that he wanted to sleep with me. This breaks my heart.

At this point, I’ll take any suggestions and any prayers that I can get. Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers.

Until then, I just have to stick it out.

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